Since 9/11 I’ve been through security at the Atlanta airport a few times. People are so desensitized to it now that its automatic, when you approach the metal detectors and xray machines you take off your shoes and place them on the conveyor belt. People practically strip just to avoid getting hasselled. So I went to the airport yesterday with a certain expectation… and an expired driver’s license.
Now, my birthday was the 10th and I had just completely forgotten to renew it. So I got stopped and then turned away. They sent me to a desk to argue my case and see if they’d be willing to stamp me through. They didn’t.
However, the guy standing next to me had a different problem. His name was Steve Johnson, but his ticket was in the name William Hawkins. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.) So Steve begins to unravel his story… His name used to be William Steve Hawkins, but he doesn’t like the name William so he’s always gone by Steve. As a child, he was adopted, Hawkins is their last name. He didn’t get along with them, and a few years ago he sought out his biological parents, and found them, they were named Johnson. He’s made a good relationship with them and last year he had his named legally changed to Steve Johnson. Now comes the silly part, as if its not silly enough. Steve’s wife (still named Hawkins) booked his flight for him, using a credit card that was still in his old name. So his driver’s license says Steve Johnson, but his credit card and his ticket say William Hawkins. And they let him through.
So the lesson here is, if I had had someone elses driver’s license or someone elses ticket and a good story, I could have gotten on the plane. But since I had my own expired license, I’m a security risk.
You know how Delta just filed for bankruptcy? I wasn’t surprised, because the last time I tried to fly I tried paying in cash, and they wouldn’t accept cash. Then my stepdad was going to spot me the ticket, and they wouldn’t accept his credit card over the phone; he had to drive back down to the airport after just dropping me off. I was flying with my mother, and she could have paid with a credit card, but they wouldn’t let me meet her at her gate. I even asked them if I could be escorted there by security, and they still wouldn’t trust me. The absurdity of the situation reminded me of that Air Marshall who they allowed to carry a gun into a plane, but they still had to confiscate his toenail clippers.