This is a pretty funny site. And being that I am, in fact, a white person, I decided to go on a journey of self discovery and find out exactly how “white” I am by comparing to their list from 1 to 90 (the latest at the time of writing).
- Coffee – No, I hate coffee in pretty much all its forms.
- Religions their parents don’t belong to – I suppose this could be correct since I don’t ascribe to any religion currently and my parents did, even if they hadn’t gone to church in nearly twenty years.
- Film Festivals – Okay, I do like film festivals, but I think its important to note that I hate most independent films.
- Assists – Not much of a sports guy, so I have no opinion on assists.
- Farmer’s Markets – Nope. Not a big Farmer’s Market guy.
- Organic Food – Nah… processed food is A-okay with me.
- Diversity – Ehh… not so much.
- Barack Obama – While I would choose Mr. Obama over Mrs. Clinton if those were my choices, I’m currently supporting McCain for President, so, this one doesn’t apply to me.
- Making you feel bad about not going outside – I’m a computer geek… outside? Why?
- Wes Anderson Movies – I have watched, and not really enjoyed, most of his films. I don’t really get it.
- Asian Girls – Not entirely my cup of tea… wait, does saying “not my cup of tea” make me “white”?
- Non-Profit Organizations – Not I.
- Tea – Shit. Although, I really only drink tea at Chinese restaurants, which I go to maybe once a year, and sometimes at family dinners, because my parents are from the South and Sweet Iced Tea is required at the table.
- Having Black Friends – I currently have no black friends, only a couple black friends of friends, this isn’t because I avoid black people, but instead because my life just doesn’t happen to have any black people in it, and I don’t feel any need to seek out black people specifically so I can befriend them.
- Yoga – No.
- Gifted Children – If I ever decide to have children, I’ll be happy if my kid only eats the FDA daily recommended amounts of paste.
- Hating their Parents – I can’t really say I ever hated my parents. I mean, I did move out of the house at 18, but that was more because I wanted to have more sex than I was able to sneak past them, not because of any dislike of them.
- Awareness – Largely, I am aware of only that I could be doing more, none of which involves making other people aware.
- Traveling – I apparently missed my requisite trip to Europe. 🙁
- Being an expert on YOUR culture – While I will admit to trying (in vain) to learn Spanish and Japanese, I really haven’t spent much time worrying about learning other people’s cultures.
- Writers Workshops – Okay, fine, yes, I have gone to a Writer’s Workshop, but in my defense (I hope) it was only 2 days and at Dragon*Con. No, I guess that really didn’t help.
- Having Two Last Names – I am not particularly fond of people who do this.
- Microbreweries – Not so big on the beers, I like liquor.
- Wine – People, white people, keep insisting I try wines. Haven’t liked one yet.
- David Sedaris – Who?
- Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!) – I have so little interest in New York that I almost didn’t write this sentence.
- Marathons – “Do you run?” “Only when chased.” And that pretty much sums up my interest in marathons.
- Not having a TV – Not only do I have a TV, I have 4, and 1 is actually a PC with 6 tuners so I can record everything and watch it later.
- 80s Night – This is really unfair, because being born in ’74, the 80’s are a huge part of my development as a human being. So, I guess they get me on this one.
- Wrigley Field – If I was in Chicago, and I got tickets, I’d go, but more because about the only way I can stand watching baseball is at the field with a couple of beers and a footlong hotdog.
- Snowboarding – Have I ever mentioned how much I am not a fan of cold?
- Vegan/Vegetarianism – I am a card carrying member of PETA… People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.
- Marijuana – The only time I ever got high was during the 8th grade when my parents let my older brother and I go to see David Bowie on his Glass Spider tour. Shortly after the concert began a haze rose from the crowd, the air was filled with the smell of a wet down jacket and I got a headache.
- Architecture – Got me on another one, I do like architecture, however there isn’t any particular style or era that I like, I just don’t like when strip malls are built looking like bland boxes. I would prefer they all put at least a little effort into it.
- The Daily Show/Colbert Report – I have been told I would love these shows if I watched them, but as of yet I haven’t bothered watching.
- Breakfast Places – Breakfast is my least favorite meal of the day, largely because every breakfast place known to man seems to insist that eggs are required and I hate eggs. Then they go and make me order a side of bacon, a side of ham, a side of sausages, a side of toast, a side of hashbrowns… it seems my penalty for disliking eggs is that my breakfast is going to cost $47.83.
- Renovations – *sigh* I am renovating a house, but only because I bought a foreclosure and the previous owner took everything not nailed down (and some things that were, if you’ve ever seen the Richard Pryor movie Moving you know what I mean), and they had horrible taste (every room in the house is a shade of brown).
- Arrested Development – Still have not seen it, but I’ll be sure to add it to my Netflix queue.
- Netflix – Fuck. Although, allow me to reiterate how much I dislike most independent films… and foreign films.
- Apple Products – I’m just going to say that I simply do not have enough time or diskspace to explain to the lengths that I loathe Apple Products.
- Indie Music – I like music, pretty much any kind except hardcore gangsta rap (all the bitches and hoes and drugs and guns and that stuff, just does not strike a chord with me), so I suppose I like indie music, but I don’t believe it is to the degree intended here.
- Sushi – Hate.
- Plays – I like the idea of plays, its the execution of most of them that I dislike.
- Public Radio – Talk radio, I am certain, is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
- Asian Fusion Food – No.
- The Sunday New York Times – I don’t read any newspapers anymore.
- Arts Degrees – Bachelor’s in Computer Science.
- Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops – I do shop at one of those membership store, but its a warehouse style shop and I go there because it allows me to buy the crap I eat in bulk and save money. Why pay $9 at the regular store for a small box of Stoffer’s French Bread Pizzas when I can go to BJ’s and get the giant box with four times the pizzas for $12?
- Vintage – Not really.
- Irony – I do, indeed, love me some irony, but not really in the fashion they describe it here.
- Living by the Water – Guilty. I do want to live on a beach.
- Sarah Silverman – She’s funny sometimes. And sometimes not.
- Dogs – Much better than cats.
- Kitchen Gadgets – I buy the gadgets not for me but for my wife.
- Apologies – I apologize alot, but then, I am a chronic procrastinator, so I often have things to apologize for.
- Lawyers – I respect the need for there to be people who spend the time to understand the nuances of law, but most lawyers are scum.
- Juno – I loved this movie.
- Japan -Â I do want to go to Japan someday, but I really hate anime.
- Natural Medicine – While I’m all for exploring natural solutions for things, I fully believe in the pharmaceutical industry’s ability to cure diseases.
- Toyota Prius – I do want a hybrid, but less for the environmental impact than for the savings in gas.
- Bicycles – I do like bicycles, although I have not owned one since mine was stolen almost 15 years ago. If I ever bought another one, I could not see myself spending more than $200 on one, so no specialty bikes for me.
- Knowing What’s Best for Poor People – I care, somewhat, about poor people, but I care more about not becoming a poor person.
- Expensive Sandwiches – Wheat bread, meat slices, mustard, maybe occasionally throw in some lettuce or a tomato, or some pickles. What I make at home often is so much better than what a restaurant will make.
- Recycling – I do recycle, but I also work on reducing the amount of garbage I produce as well.
- Co-Ed Sports – Again, computer geek… outside?
- Divorce – Divorce sucks.
- Standing Still at Concerts – I am confused by this one, do people who are not “white” go to concerts and ballroom dance? I don’t stand “still” at concerts, I do move around to the music and what not, but it never occurred to me to break out the foxtrot or boxstep.
- Michel Gondry – He does some interesting stuff, but I wouldn’t exactly say that I love him.
- Mos Def – I do like Mos Def.
- Difficult Breakups – I don’t believe I’ve had a difficult break up yet. Relationships just sort of end, and that’s it.
- Being the only white person around – Can’t say as I have ever sought this situation out.
- Study Abroad – Might have been nice.
- Gentrification – I suppose it is a thing that I like, because I would rather see inner city areas looking good than to see them looking like crap.
- Oscar Parties – I have gone to Oscar parties, but thus far, much like our State of the Union parties, they are more about hanging out and drinking than the program on the TV.
- Threatening to Move to Canada – Hell no. Did I mention that I don’t like cold? or hockey? or French?
- Bottles of Water – I don’t buy bottles of water unless I have to, but I do buy bottle of orange juice which I keep and reuse as water bottles.
- Musical Comedy – Yeah, I admit, I do find it entertaining.
- Multilingual Children – I want to be multilingual myself, and looking to the future, being multilingual is probably going to be advantageous.
- Modern Furniture – No.
- The Idea of Soccer – Not much into any sports. Computer geek.
- Graduate School – I wouldn’t mind going back to school and studying stuff, but I really don’t have an interest in grad school.
- Hating Corporations – I don’t hate all corporations, however I do dislike the disassociation of responsibility of people who work for them, the “I just do my job, and I had no part in the overall heartless money grubbing of this company” defense. There is much more to it than that, but not for here, not now.
- Bad Memories of High School – I don’t really have bad memories, or good memories. High school was neither the best nor worst years of my life.
- T-Shirts – While I do like T-Shirts with cool stuff on them, and I do wear T-Shirts whenever I can get away with it, but it doesn’t really go beyond that.
- The Wire – I do want to see it… Netflix.
- Shorts – Did I mention how much I hate the cold?
- Outdoor Performance Clothes – I do not believe I own any Outdoor Performance Clothes.
- Having Gay Friends – Much like the black friends up at number 14, its not something I seek out, if it happens, then it happens.
- St. Patrick’s Day – Yeah, well, I do like this particular holiday.
- Dinner Parties – I’ve had people over for dinner, but not by choice. My wife is “whiter” than I am apparently.
So, that’s it. Assuming this website is discussing a particular variant of “white”, largely registered Democrats and yuppies, it appears that I am not very “white” after all. Well, now I’ve got to go figure out how to waste the rest of my day.
Enjoy!