emptying my brain onto the internet since 1998…
The general category for posts on this blog.
I don’t much get into the day as I used to when I was younger. However, I love to hear about what other people do to “pull one over” on their nearest and dearest, and even random strangers.
I stumbled upon a decent website dedicated to hoaxes. The Museum of Hoaxes and their list of the Top 100 April Fool’s jokes. Some entertaining reads.
Anyway… perhaps next year I’ll feel more foolish, or be in a fooling mood.
Yeah you! The one with his car right smack in the middle of the intersection blocking traffic trying very hard to not look left or right to see the faces of the angry drivers. Don’t get me wrong, man, I feel your pain. The traffic is slow and you have somewhere to be. But you know what? Part of the reason the traffic going your way is so slow is that down the road some other jerk-off from a cross street is blocking the intersection. When you come to an intersection that is a four-way stop or a traffic light, if traffic is flowing sporadically or barely at all, its best to wait on one side of the intersection until there is enough space or movement to allow your vehicle to make it all the way across. Not only is it courteous, but especially in messy weather, you not blocking traffic can save lives! That’s right. If you are blocking the way when an ambulance, fire truck or police car comes by sirens blaring, they’ll have to slow way down and drive around YOU! Those precious seconds could mean death for someone else. So quit being an ass and stop being part of the problem.
I borrowed ‘Dreamscape’ on DVD from my brother. This isn’t a review, but I’ll go ahead and say that I really like the movie. Normally when you pop a DVD in and it comes to the menu, ‘Play’ or whatever phrase they use for play will be the default. On Dreamscape, it was the Scene Selection.
The main menu had 4 options: Scene Selection, Special Features, Feature (Play), and Monster!
After watching the movie and going through the special features, I moved over and selected Monster! The screen goes dark, then the Snakeman’s head pops up and he goes “RRRrrraaaaaaa!!” Then it goes back to the menu. I selected Monster! again… Snakeman, “RRRrrraaaaaa!!”… Monster!, Snakeman, “RRRrrraaaaaa!!”… Monster!, Snakeman, “RRRrrraaaaaa!!”… Monster!, Snakeman, “RRRrrraaaaaa!!”… All the while, I just can’t stop laughing.
It just seems like such an odd thing to put on a DVD.
Monster!, Snakeman, “RRRrrraaaaaa!!”
There is this commerical for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups that talks about the feeling you have between cups. They’ve been doing angles like things for advertising for a while now… “How do you eat a Reese’s?”, etc, etc…
Anyway, the new one focuses on how people feel between the cups. The woman in the commercial says she feels “contentment”. So it got me to thinking… why not just eat one cup, then put the other one in the freezer? Eternal contentment!
It probably doesn’t work that way, but its nice to dream…
Its getting to be that time of year again… Taxes.
I really hate being a 1099 contractor. I’m not too bad with money, I never really spend more than I have. However, I’m not good at saving money. Since my taxes aren’t withheld by my employer, I tend to spend what I have. Then it comes to tax time and I owe a huge chunk of money.
Long ago I used to complain about W-2s… never again. I pray for the days when I can file W-2s again and kick these 1099s to the curb.
Anyway, I was just planning out how I was gonna pay my money this year and it was on my mind, so now its on my weblog.
Normally if you ask me about current events, I’ll have no idea. I really hate the news because most of the time it bad. Horrible people doing horrible things to each other.
But I’ve been following Terri Schiavo’s case for a while now. If you don’t know, the short of it is that Terri had a heart attack 15 years ago, during which her brain was deprived of oxygen for a number of minutes resulting in massive brain damage. Most of the doctors agree that the damage to her brain is so severe that even though she does respond to some stimuli, that she is in a permanent vegatative state, never to recover beyond that of about an eleven month old. After a period of time, Terri’s husband said that while no living will existed Terri had expressed a desire not to be hooked up to tubes and machines indefinately. So he decided, after what I’m sure was a long period of serious deep thinking and probably a considerable amount of prayer, to have the machines turned off and let her pass away.
Terri’s parents don’t agree. So, for many years now, they have been fighting. Terri’s husband wants to let her go. Terri’s parents refuse to admit she is beyond help. There has been a considerable amount of legal tug-o-war in this. Terri’s feeding tube has been removed and replaced a number of times.
A little over two years ago, my mother was brought home from the hospital. The cancer had spread, and a complication of the cancer and another surgery’s healing left her unable to pass food completely and consistantly. They had gambled to stop the cancer treatment to let the other surgery heal, and the cancer took that opportunity to spread into the lymph nodes. There was nothing more medical science could do. She came home to pass away surrounded by her family. In the end, I hope she was aware of us and our love for her, but unaware of the pain of the cancer and death.
If anyone were to ask me if I had ever seen someone starve to death, the answer would be ‘yes’. If they were to ask if I would have preferred her to live unconscious for 15 years unable to communicate with anyone, trapped in a body she couldn’t control… the answer is ‘no’.
My mother is going to miss my wedding, and every other important day of the rest of my life. But sometimes in life, you have to be willing to let go when its better for the other person.
My fiancee did the grocery shopping this week, and I was in need of deodorant. Normally I just pick myself up a stick of Degree or something, whatever is on sale. But she picked up a stick of AXE. Now, I’d seen the commercials, and I warned her before I used it, but she said it was okay.
Well, the drive to work was fine, but walking from the parking lot to the office I was already fending off the women. I eventually had to break into a run and get inside. The food court area was tough, and I lost my jacket to the mob. And at the security desk is where it finally happened, she wouldn’t let me past until I allowed her to service me.
Zipping up my pants I quickly stepped into the nearest elevator. Damn, occupied. The other two gentlemen with us looked uncomfortable as the woman attacked me. Three more stops just from the elevator to my desk. That’s when the line started to form.
After a while I really needed to get some work done, so I started taking the women in twosomes and threesomes, eventually moving up to foursomes by mid-afternoon. Finally five o’clock rolled around and I stole down the fire stairs. Twenty-two floors just to avoid them.
I got lucky and made it to my car without incident, and once inside with the windows up and the air conditioning set on internal air, I was safe.
Monday’s going to be rough.
(None of this really happened. Turns out the AXE Effect is just smelling like deodorant.)
There are times where I run into a person who utters words that lead me to believe that it is by sheer luck alone that they continue to survive. Today, I was asked to have a report run and email it to a desired individual “on demand” without any user interaction.
Now, I’m a pretty good programmer. And on a report, I can give someone a field and a button, or even a drop down list and a button, that allows them to specify a person or email address and then send the report when the button is clicked. I can even set up a program to run at intervals, like daily, and execute the report and email it on schedule. But I have yet to actually find a way to program telepathy… if I could, then the middle manager who asked for a report to be emailed on demand to different people based on his mood would be out of a job.
We’ve all heard the stories, now its time to hear the truth.
Time and again, stories like this one grace the world’s newspapers. Dolphins selflessly saving people from danger, often from sharks.
It’s all a ruse. Dolphins want safety for humans about as much as the sharks want to eat them. Each of these so-called “rescues” is in fact a failed attempt to capture a human.
These dolphin terrorists seek nothing more than to kidnap unsuspecting people to use them as bargaining chips in their fight against the oppression of zoos and marine biology centers.
How is it that these sharks find people anyway? The dolphins tell them. And do these dolphins ever notify the authorities? They do not. Instead they swim, circling the victims until one of our many Navy or Coast Guard security vessels happens upon them. Then its all squeeks and cute tricks to buy time for an escape and to confuse their captives.
People “saved” by dolphins unanimously agree that they were in fact rescued by the dolphins, completely unaware of the reality, the gravity of their situation. They continue on with their lives regailing stories about the dolphins, and spreading the propaganda of their kindness.
Recently though, scientists have cracked the code of the dolphin speech. Their plans are clear: to obtain and hold human captives to exchange them for the release of their brothers and sisters languishing in captivity.
Make no mistake people of America… Dolphins hate freedom.
Specifically, I hate little balls of thread, the kind that come from my clothes and fall to the floor and lay there so patiently looking exactly like a dead bug, but that I know is not a dead bug, and when I reach down to pick it up makes me scream like a little girl because not only was is not a little ball of thread but it also was not a dead bug, and instead was a live bug which managed to skitter halfway up my arm before I managed to swat it to the ground and jump away doing the “Oogie Boogie” dance as the goosebumps form all up my arms and back.
I hate thread.