Movie Round-Up: August 20th, 2010

Lottery Ticket:

I’m sure someday I’ll watch this on DVD, but I won’t be spending $10 to see this in the theater.  No way, no how.

Nanny McPhee Returns:

I’m certain, like the first film, this will be good for families and kids.  I does look decent.  But I’ve got no desire to see it myself, especially since I haven’t seen the first one.

The Switch:

Looks funny.  I mean, a jilted friend who decides to deposit his own sperm instead of the carefully selected donor from the sperm bank, how could this not be funny?  Well, it could fall flat, but the preview looks decent.  I probably won’t see this in the theater, but I’ll surely watch it on DVD.

Vampires Suck:

These cheap, yet high grossing, parody films keep on rolling.  I wish I could invest in them.  I hate them.  Watching them makes my eyes and ears bleed, but I’d gladly make money off them if I could.  The only possible redeeming quality here is that they will be lampooning the Twilight movies, which themselves are almost as bad as these parody films.

Piranha 3D:

If I go to see a movie this weekend, this is the movie I’ll go see.  The cast is great.  It’s a remake of a monster movie that I love.  And it is likely to exploit the hell out of the 3D just like old 3D horror films, with stuff jabbing and exploding toward the audience.  Sadly, the wife has no desire to see this film, so it is up to me to find some friends to go see it while she’s at work or something.  Piranha 3D must be seen… in 3D.

Movie Round-Up: June 4th, 2010

Marmaduke:

I was going to make fun of this movie sight unseen, but then I felt that wasn’t fair, so let me go watch the trailer right now…  Okay, I’m back, and I’m not going to make fun of it.  However, I’m still going to call it stupid.  Sure, it might be fun for kids, but I’ve got no desire to see it and I definitely wouldn’t pay to see it.  Maybe one day in the future when I’m bored and there is nothing else on Netflix to watch.

Get Him to the Greek:

Take Russell Brand as Aldous Snow from Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Jonah Hill also playing his character from Forgetting Sarah Marshall but not really and make Jonah have to get Russell from Point A to Point B in a short time period.  Cue comedy.  I want to see this.  It looks funny.  Not sure I will, but I’ll try.  If I miss it in the theater it’ll go in at the top of my Netflix queue.

Killers:

I don’t want to like Ashton but I usually end up liking his movies.  So yeah, I’ll probably see this.  Besides, Heigl is hot.

Splice:

Really though, this right here is my must see movie for the weekend.  Sci-fi horror monster movie?  I’m in.  The only thing that will keep me from seeing this is the wife’s complete and utter lack of desire to see it.  As much as I am in, she’s out.  Oh well, you can’t win ’em all.

Movie Round-Up: February 26th, 2010

The Crazies:

Remakes. You tend to either love them or hate them, and it largely depends on how you view the original. Sometimes the remakes deviate enough from the original to be able to be held up on their own, at least as long as those deviations don’t totally suck. I can’t comment here as I’ve never seen the original, nor yet seen this remake.  But I can say that I like the look of the trailer and if I get a chance, I’m going to go see it.  Since it is a horror film, however, I doubt it will be in the theater unless I can find some guys to go with because I know the wife won’t go.  I may have to catch this one on DVD or Netflix, but out of necessity not desire.

Cop Out:

I’m a huge Bruce Willis fan.  I’m also a huge Kevin Smith fan (I even like Jersey Girl, which everyone else seems to hate mainly because it was more about romance, drama and family than his usual sex and crude jokes fare).  I’m not much of a Tracy Morgan fan though, so that dragged down my desire to see this movie.  So I jumped at the chance when I managed to snag a free screening pass from gofobo.  I’m so glad I did.  So glad, in fact, that I’m considering going and paying to see this movie again.  This movie is like Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop.  It has comedy and action and is just fun.  This movie deserves a blockbuster opening weekend, so go out and see it.

Movie Round-Up: January 29th, 2010

This week is “three word title” week…

When in Rome:

Since I’ve already admitted to liking chick flicks and romantic comedies, I won’t bother pretending I don’t want to see this.  And Kristin Bell is just all kinds of awesome.  Her performance in Veronica Mars means that I’ll see anything she’s in for decades.  Besides, this looks to be hilarious.  I may not make it to the theater to see this one because of time and money constraints, but I want to.  If you have the means and the desire, go see it.

Edge of Darkness:

I went to a screening of this on Tuesday and just before the show I tweeted and posted on Facebook that I wanted this to be good.  Luckily, it was.  I haven’t seen the original mini-series.  I want to, it is in the Netflix queue.  But word on the street is that it is great.  While I wouldn’t call this movie great, it was intriguing and kept my attention the whole time.  The only real downside to this film is Mel Gibson’s accent and nasally voice.  At times it threatens to ruin the film, but never quite does.  Every other performance here is nearly flawless.  I would warn, however, don’t go in expecting an action thriller.  There is action, but most of the story unfolds slowly over its almost two hour length and is only punctuated by action.  To me, this movie is worth the price of admission.

The Host

There is a special place reserved in hell for Stephenie Meyer.  Her Twilight series has destroyed vampires.  Only, her vampires aren’t vampires at all.  They drink blood, I think, because I honestly can’t remember any of them drinking blood in the movie.  Maybe they drink blood in the books.  I don’t know.  I’ll never read them.  The wife, who now denies ever saying this, told me that her other book, The Host, was more Sci-Fi and post-apocalyptic and she thought I would enjoy it.

I can’t say I hated the book, but I can say it definitely was not a “can’t put down” read.  I mean, I might instead say it was an “always put down” read.  During the two months it took me to plow through her 600+ page novel, if I was ever presented a choice between reading the book or doing something else I always chose to do something else.

The story of the book is this… aliens come to Earth.  These aliens are a form of parasitic being that can only live in another host body and when they do so they “take over” in that the person who was there is imprisoned deep down inside and never comes back.  These aliens aren’t hostile, in fact they are so peaceful they insist that they decided to annihilate mankind (without actually killing anyone) because humans were flawed and killing each other anyway.  They did it “for our own good”.  We get to follow one soul (what the aliens are called) who is implanted into a woman who was previously resisting the aliens.  Essentially, if a person is aware of the aliens before implantation they are more able to resist being mentally squashed.  So Melanie (the human) remains conscious inside as Wanderer takes over.  There is a lot of touchy feely stuff and eventually Wanderer decides to go out into the desert to see if she can find Jered (Melanie’s boyfriend) and Jamie (Melanie’s brother).  She does find them, and thirty five other people, hiding out there and the two of them (Melanie and Wanderer) try to find a place to fit in among the rebels.

This is definitely a “chick” book.  Most of the action happens between chapters or off screen.  Because Wanderer is our point of view for the entire book, we stay with her while she stays inside and other people run off to steal supplies and fight the bad guys.  There are a lot of emotions and feelings and crying and love and …. and a bunch of stuff that really I found I could not care less about.  Not because I’m some heartless person, but because I had no desire to care about the main character.  You see, the point of view is Wanderer, the alien, and from page one of the book I felt that the aliens were arrogant smug assholes.  At best, our heroine is an ignorant useless waste of space who has never bothered even considering that by taking over other bodies they are, in effect, killing people.  It takes nearly 600 pages for Wanderer to come to the same conclusion that I had drawn in the first chapter, and it was the most tedious and boring journey I’ve ever partaken of.

I’d always flippantly said I wouldn’t read the Twilight books, even though, given time, I probably would have eventually.  Well, thankfully now I don’t have to.  After reading this pile of pages I have absolutely no desire at all to ever read anything written by Mrs. Meyer again.  Ever.  I am sure there are people out there who would enjoy this book, in fact I’ve talked to a few of them, but I could not in good conscience recommend this to anyone.

Movie Round-Up: January 22nd, 2010

Tooth Fairy:

I have absolutely no desire at all to see Dwayne Johnson in a tutu and wings playing the part of the mythical figure who takes teeth from under kids’ pillows and leaves money behind.  None.  Well, maybe if it is awful enough I’ll watch it for a laugh someday on DVD.

Extraordinary Measures:

Based on a true story of a man with sick kids who decides to help fund the research of a drug for a cure.  I got to see a screening of this a while back, and it was decent enough, but it was typical.  It tugged the right heartstrings at the right moments, it made me laugh now and then to lighten the mood, and I felt good watching it.  That said, it really isn’t worth the price of admission.  Not full price anyway.

Legion:

Angels versus humanity.  I got to see a screening of this last night and my opinion can be summed up in two words: wasted potential.  This movie isn’t horrible, but it also isn’t really good either.  The underlying ideas are fine, but the execution of them is lacking.  The film could have been staged better to be more exciting, the diner in the middle of nowhere felt way too cliche.  Every step of the way, every fight, every loss, every win, it felt uninspired.  The movie took no risks.  That said… there were some good lines and scenes.  I kinda enjoyed the movie on some level, but I wouldn’t pay to see it.

EVE adding a ground game

If you dig around this site you’ll find that I occasionally praise the design of EVE Online.  Which is funny, considering that I don’t play it.  I did, at one point, but unless you have the desire and time to get involved in the forums, corporations and politics of the game or like the economy jockeying, the mechanics of the game are fairly boring.

CCP, the company that makes EVE, is looking to change that… sort of…

Enter, DUST 514.  I read about this over at Fidgit, and here is what was said:

DUST 514, featuring first-person shooter and RTS-style gameplay, will interact directly with EVE Online, CCP’s critically acclaimed flagship MMO. This interplay between the two games opens the EVE universe to console gamers and gives them a chance to become part of one of the most massive cooperative play and social experiences ever.

The primary gameplay of DUST 514 features brutal ground combat that takes place on the surface of planets from EVE, delivering the visceral, adrenaline-fueled experience of futuristic firefights. Developed for the current generation of consoles, DUST 514 combines equal parts battlefield reflexes and strategic planning, giving commanders and ground infantry real-time configurable weapons and modular vehicles to manage dynamic battlefield conditions.

Again, CCP seems to be taking risks by trying something that isn’t exactly mainstream.  Sure, console FPS games are old hat, but the idea of integrating that console FPS with a PC MMO and tossing in some RTS style elements has my interest piqued.

This article includes a video showing what I can only hope is in-game footage of combat.

I am excited to hear more, which they say we will at CCP’s Fanfest in October.

Movie Round-Up: April 10th, 2009

Let me begin by saying, I have seen none of these movies.  The one I cared about I didn’t get passes to any screenings of, and the other two, well, I hope you understand why I had no desire to see them.

Observe and Report:

This movie looks… odd.  If you could take Paul Blart: Mall Cop and then completely turn it in reverse you might get Observe and Report.  At least that’s how the previews look.  Its one of those films where I laugh at some of the antics in the trailer, but overall I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy the movie as a whole.  But, it does have potential.  I want to see it, but maybe not for full price.

Dragonball Evolution:

I’ve never been a Dragonball fan, and I doubt I ever will be.  I think this movie has the potential to be fun, and it might even do well at the theaters considering there are lots of Dragonball fans out there, but I’ll be waiting for this to be available to watch streaming through Netflix.  There is no rush for me to see this at all.

Hannah Montana The Movie:

No.

Hey You!

Yeah you… look, I realize you’ve probably had a really tough day, perhaps even a really tough life, but one of the things that makes a revolving door work so well is that the work of pushing it around is shared by all the people moving through it. If you are going to get in, you have to do your share. My day hasn’t exactly been a big bowl of happy either, but you don’t see me just strolling through the doors with my arms folded making some other schmuck do all the work. If it hadn’t been for my desire to actually get to lunch, I would have stopped right there and kept you trapped until you shouldered your share… jackass.