Category: Random Thoughts

The general category for posts on this blog.

Choice and Opportunity.

Random Thoughts

There is an exercise in logic. Its a maze, and in the maze are you and a minortaur. You can move one square at a time, the minotaur moves two at a time. The goal is to reach the exit before he gets you. The trick to this is that the minotaur always takes the most direct path to you, even if that path is to face a wall and not move. So the key is to use the maze to force the minotaur to require more than twice the number of moves to get to you than it is for you to get to the exit. In most presentations of this exercise, around level 3, it is actually impossible to win if you move on the first round. Every moment you take causes the minotaur to round a corner and gives him the ability to get you before you get the door. So the trick is to pass your first round and make the minotaur move first, and when he moves he gets stuck in a dead end that gives you free reign of the maze. You win by choosing to sit still. You win by doing nothing.

In some people’s lives there may come a time where they believe that they have run out of choices, that there are no more opportunities. Some people, when presented this option don’t know what to do, like people who continually lose the maze and the minotaur exercise. They simply cannot comprehend that the best course of action is to let go and do nothing. The world will move around them, and things will change, and likely the answer they are looking for will present itself, or at least new doors will open. But they can’t do this, so they keep moving, and they keep losing.

Faced with the situation that all of ones actions result in losing but unwilling to not act, some people make the only choice they feel they have left. They choose to finally, absolutely and brutally remove all choice and opportunity from their lives by ending their lives.

Sometimes, it may seem like there is no end to misery in sight, that life is bleak and black and horrible, that everything you do only makes the pain worse. If this happens, remember that sometimes there is nothing you can do to win, but sometimes by doing nothing you win.

Its good. Its bad. Its life.

Live it.

– for Carl, the friend I’ll never know

The more things change…

Random Thoughts

… the more they stay the same.

I say I’m going to update more, and I don’t. Its the cycle I’ve been in for 5 years with this web junk, and I don’t foresee myself changing anytime soon.

In the end, its the usual excuses. Too much work. Other stuff going on. I’m moving. Nothing to report. Creative juices not flowing. Etc, etc.

Well, back to our regularly scheduled…

60

Random Thoughts

In EverQuest, when it was released, the highest level you could attain was 50. Later, with the Kunark expansion, that bar was raised to 60. With the Planes of Power, now that rung sits at 65.

I’ve never been at the top in EQ. When Kunark was released, I was level 29 or 30, I forget which. With Planes of Power, well, I could have been 60 before then, but I had 3 or 4 characters I was actively playing by then and I had let the levelling rush on my primary character lapse.

Its been a long time, but I finally managed to bring Ishiro to level 60. Its not the end of the road anymore, but still a good milestone I think.

Only 5 more levels and about 300+ Alternate Experience points to go…

… someday.

The problem with my poetry…

Random Thoughts

… is that I write most of them as songs. Some of them seems silly on paper, but when I read them in my head the band plays with them.

Only, I’m not a song writer. The music doesn’t flow nearly as well as the words. Sure, it sounds great in my head, but I can’t put the notes on paper or play the instuments. I can’t even describe them enough for someone else to play it.

But such is life.

By the way… this means there is more poetry in the Poetry section.

Repeat.

Random Thoughts

Sometimes I think to myself, “Why is this happening again?”

The answer I usually come to is that I didn’t learn what I was supposed to learn the last time. But, if that be true, why do all my lessons always have to come with a kick in the teeth?

I wish I had more to say than that, but that’s about all I can feel at the moment. The same mistakes, the same problems, over and over, crushing me.

Money

Random Thoughts

As they say (or sing in this case), Money don’t get everything, that’s true, but what it don’t get I can’t use.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a fireman. If there was a ladder set up, I ran up it. I would pick things up and run up it. I would run up them, get stuff from whatever was at the top and bring it down. I used to volunteer to water the lawn because.. it was on fire, and I had to put it out! My imagination was and is quite vivid…

Of course, I also wanted to be an astronaut. And a policeman. And a racecar driver. A doctor. A computer hacker. A superhero. Etc, etc, etc…

See the one thing missing up there? Not once while I was growing up did I actually think to myself, “When I grow up, I want to make money!”

I have to admit, I’m pretty well off in some respects. My family is fairly normal. No divorce or discord. I drive a car that I always wanted. A Jeep Cherokee, 1998, before they started making them all rounded and bubble-like. I have a woman that I love.

I still, however, also have many problems. The issue I have with my problems is that they can all be solved with one thing.

Money.

I don’t have any esoteric, emotional, philosophical, mental, relationship problems. I only have bill paying problems.

That being the case, when people tell me, “Money isn’t everything.” or “Money isn’t the most important thing.” I get a bit upset, because, well, to me, money is the only thing that can solve the problems I have. And of course, people only say those things when they mean “I’m not going to give you any (more) money.”

Oh well… this is my random thought… back to humming “Gimme some money” by Spinal Tap.

And the world will be a better place…

Random Thoughts

Its 2003. A new year, and an excuse to start over.

Sure, new year’s resolutions are a cop out, and a person should be strong enough to change at any time… however, how many people truely are? In my experience, people are better at keeping a change that started with an excuse than from within. More people quit smoking because of their wife, husband, or kids than have quit just because they wanted to be healthier. Of course, in the end it only stays if they truely want it, but it has to start somewhere.

So what shall I resolve to do in the new year?

To work. And by this I mean my job and all the things related to it. There are some skills I need to pick up, and some tools I need to learn.

To work out. Cause if I don’t I’ll turn into a fat bastard. The butterball is already growing underneath my shirt. No more fattening up the turkey for dinner.

To read. I miss reading, even though lots of books aren’t worth it. I need to get back into reading the occasional book. I’ve got shelves of unread ones anyway.

To write. Here, and elsewhere. And not just silly drivel about my life, but creative things, wild things, that stuff that swirls around in my skull whether dreaming or awake needs to find its way to paper.

There’s more, but I’ll probably put those off until next year. Don’t want to overload my excuse.

Missed it by that much.

Random Thoughts

So, yesterday was my birthday. (send cash) And I did the usual dinner with my family. (money orders) We went to Chili’s. (checks) And it was good.

Then home for cake. (gold bars) Oh, and the presents! (loose change) I got a haul of loot. (pound notes) I got some clothes, which I actually was asking for. (yen) And I scored a couple of good DVDs: Brotherhood of the Wolf, and Near Dark. (monopoly money)

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed my day.

Because it is MY day.

Its MINE.