Tag Archive for Hey You!

Hey You!

Yeah you!  I know being Customer Service is tough.  I used to do it.  Listening to people bitch about their problems and blaming you for them when there isn’t anything you can do.  But you know what you can do?  Your job!  When someone calls you and gives you details about a problem, how about adding them to the ticket, huh? When the technician reads it and it has no details, I’m pretty sure he won’t be a fucking mind reader and know all the things you didn’t write down!

And hey, while we’re here… you!  Yeah you, Mr. Technician.  When you get a ticket that is light on the details, how about you call the customer and ask, “Dude… WTF?” or, you know, something more business-ish like “Excuse me, sir, but what seems to be the problem?”  You know what you shouldn’t do?  Wander around on your own trying to decipher the cryptic garbage in the ticket and figure out what the problem is all by yourself.  You really don’t want to waste six hours working on the wrong thing when three minutes on the phone would have told you it was a five minute fix.

And the whole lot of you… yeah, ALL of you! Stop lying to people.  Don’t tell the customer they’ll be getting a call in a few minutes unless it’s true.  An hour is not a few minutes, not even close.  Two hours is way off, four hours is even further away, and six hours is a giant waste of everyone’s time.  The real kicker?  You all work at a communications company and the one thing you suck at more than anything else?  Communication!

Hey You!

Yeah… you, the guy who just quit out of our Burnout Paradise Freeburn.  Look, I know you want to get all 350 of the Freeburn Challenges completed, we all do, but some of us don’t quit just because the guy in charge picked a challenge we’ve done before.  Hang around and chat and have some fun instead of being the assbag everyone is now calling you because you quit.

You do realize that we talk about you when you leave, right?

Yeah, and some of us even rate you poorly on Xbox Live.  Ever wondered why your carefully crafted star rating is suddenly plummeting?  Yeah, that’d be us.

If we confronted you, you might try some excuse like, “I had to take a break from gaming” but we know you’d be lying, because, Xbox Live lets you see all the people you’ve recently played with on your friends list, so we can see that you dropped our game, without a word I might add, and hopped in to another game, because the list shows that not only are you playing Burnout Paradise still, but you are Freeburning (and it even gives us an option to join the session you are in, not that we would, because you are probably just going to leave again).

So, next time, how about not being a cock and sticking around to play.  You might even try asking the host to pick particular challenges.  You never know, he might listen.

Hey You!

Yeah you… look, I realize you’ve probably had a really tough day, perhaps even a really tough life, but one of the things that makes a revolving door work so well is that the work of pushing it around is shared by all the people moving through it. If you are going to get in, you have to do your share. My day hasn’t exactly been a big bowl of happy either, but you don’t see me just strolling through the doors with my arms folded making some other schmuck do all the work. If it hadn’t been for my desire to actually get to lunch, I would have stopped right there and kept you trapped until you shouldered your share… jackass.

Hey You!

Yeah you! Look, if you have to refer to yourself as a “Good Christian” frequently, there’s a pretty good chance you aren’t one. I’m not saying there aren’t good Christians out there, but they don’t go around telling everyone they are one. In fact, good Christians tend not to really think about it at all, they just are. You know, I realize its hard. The Bible doesn’t mention corporate politics at all. There are no ‘Thou Shalt Not’s for the business world. But just because there aren’t specific words for it written down, that doesn’t mean that lying, cheating and stealing in the name of upward mobility on the corporate ladder is excused. Its still lying, cheating and stealing, and by its nature, if you do it, you aren’t a “Good Christian”. So please, stop saying it.

Hey You!

Yeah you! The one with his car right smack in the middle of the intersection blocking traffic trying very hard to not look left or right to see the faces of the angry drivers. Don’t get me wrong, man, I feel your pain. The traffic is slow and you have somewhere to be. But you know what? Part of the reason the traffic going your way is so slow is that down the road some other jerk-off from a cross street is blocking the intersection. When you come to an intersection that is a four-way stop or a traffic light, if traffic is flowing sporadically or barely at all, its best to wait on one side of the intersection until there is enough space or movement to allow your vehicle to make it all the way across. Not only is it courteous, but especially in messy weather, you not blocking traffic can save lives! That’s right. If you are blocking the way when an ambulance, fire truck or police car comes by sirens blaring, they’ll have to slow way down and drive around YOU! Those precious seconds could mean death for someone else. So quit being an ass and stop being part of the problem.

Hey you!

Yeah, you.

I’m going to level with you.

I’m going to be honest with you in a way that none of your friends will.

Honest in a way that even your family has yet to attempt.

No matter how much money you spend, no matter what kind of tires, or head lights, or tail lights, or spoilers, or decals, or hub caps you put on. No matter what kind of stereo you put in. No matter how often you wash and detail it. No matter how much effort you put in. No matter how hard you try. You are still driving a 4 door Honda Civic.

You are not cool.

Quit lying to yourself.

This vehicular delusion intervention has been brought to you by probablynot.com, because frankly, we don’t like you.