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Letting Go

Random Thoughts

Normally if you ask me about current events, I’ll have no idea. I really hate the news because most of the time it bad. Horrible people doing horrible things to each other.

But I’ve been following Terri Schiavo’s case for a while now. If you don’t know, the short of it is that Terri had a heart attack 15 years ago, during which her brain was deprived of oxygen for a number of minutes resulting in massive brain damage. Most of the doctors agree that the damage to her brain is so severe that even though she does respond to some stimuli, that she is in a permanent vegatative state, never to recover beyond that of about an eleven month old. After a period of time, Terri’s husband said that while no living will existed Terri had expressed a desire not to be hooked up to tubes and machines indefinately. So he decided, after what I’m sure was a long period of serious deep thinking and probably a considerable amount of prayer, to have the machines turned off and let her pass away.

Terri’s parents don’t agree. So, for many years now, they have been fighting. Terri’s husband wants to let her go. Terri’s parents refuse to admit she is beyond help. There has been a considerable amount of legal tug-o-war in this. Terri’s feeding tube has been removed and replaced a number of times.

A little over two years ago, my mother was brought home from the hospital. The cancer had spread, and a complication of the cancer and another surgery’s healing left her unable to pass food completely and consistantly. They had gambled to stop the cancer treatment to let the other surgery heal, and the cancer took that opportunity to spread into the lymph nodes. There was nothing more medical science could do. She came home to pass away surrounded by her family. In the end, I hope she was aware of us and our love for her, but unaware of the pain of the cancer and death.

If anyone were to ask me if I had ever seen someone starve to death, the answer would be ‘yes’. If they were to ask if I would have preferred her to live unconscious for 15 years unable to communicate with anyone, trapped in a body she couldn’t control… the answer is ‘no’.

My mother is going to miss my wedding, and every other important day of the rest of my life. But sometimes in life, you have to be willing to let go when its better for the other person.

The Mod Squad

Reviews

I’ve never seen the TV show, but it had to be better than the 1999 movie.

Giovanni Ribisi is fairly good in everything he does, and he’s about the only watchable part of this film. Almost, because he’s barely watchable in this. Claire Danes acts poorly, and Omar Epps proves that he’s not Wesley Snipes (a compliment to neither Omar or Wesley). The only real actor worth a damn is Dennis Farina, and he dies in the beginning… good thing too, at least he can say the rest of the movie wasn’t his fault.

I think the worst part of the movie had to be that it was just so absolutely predictable. Linc (Epps) tells Pete (Ribisi) not to damage his car… so Jodi says, “Its going to be a running gag, Pete’s going to keep damaging the car.” And it was. Like five times Pete does something to hurt the car, and it got less and less funny because you could see it coming ten miles away.

In the end, I believe I’ve spent far to much time talking about this movie… it was filmed, and that’s the best thing I can say about it.

Goals

Gaming

Sometimes one of the best things to do in online games in to set goals for yourself. And I don’t mean strictly the ones the designers lay out for you. Levels, items, zones, quests… they’re all decent goals, but often times they wind up being diminished by the fact that so many other people have done them.

So, with that in mind, in every game I play I always find little things to task myself with. The most recent one is in City of Heroes. I’m not playing CoH as much as I used to… heck, I’m not playing any game as much as I used to, but my time is currently divided between World of Warcraft and City of Heroes… WoW when Jodi is around, and CoH when its just me. Anyway, in CoH I’m playing Ishiro Takagi, a scrapper, martial arts and regeneration. Given enemies his own level, he’s fairly unbeatable. It takes guys 2 or 3 levels higher or groups of 6 or more to put him in the dirt. Ishiro is level 26, and currently prowling the streets and rooftops of Striga Isle, Talos Island, Dark Astoria and Independance Port… I go into Terra Volta every now and then, and when I’m sent to the hospital I remember why I don’t go in there alone, heh.

In Independance Port there is a bridge. Its long and covered in bad guys. I start at the north end and begin wading through. I haven’t made it yet… either I run into a boss who cleans my clock, or an afore mentioned group of 6 or more who I just can’t thin out before they get the upper hands. As I level it will get easier, and that’s sorta the point. My goal isn’t levelling, its something else, which if I keep doing it will lead to levelling, but in and of itself is far more satisfying than watching the experience bar fill up… instead I watch my progress across the bridge.

I’m halfway there.

Soon.

The AXE Effect

Random Thoughts

My fiancee did the grocery shopping this week, and I was in need of deodorant. Normally I just pick myself up a stick of Degree or something, whatever is on sale. But she picked up a stick of AXE. Now, I’d seen the commercials, and I warned her before I used it, but she said it was okay.

Well, the drive to work was fine, but walking from the parking lot to the office I was already fending off the women. I eventually had to break into a run and get inside. The food court area was tough, and I lost my jacket to the mob. And at the security desk is where it finally happened, she wouldn’t let me past until I allowed her to service me.

Zipping up my pants I quickly stepped into the nearest elevator. Damn, occupied. The other two gentlemen with us looked uncomfortable as the woman attacked me. Three more stops just from the elevator to my desk. That’s when the line started to form.

After a while I really needed to get some work done, so I started taking the women in twosomes and threesomes, eventually moving up to foursomes by mid-afternoon. Finally five o’clock rolled around and I stole down the fire stairs. Twenty-two floors just to avoid them.

I got lucky and made it to my car without incident, and once inside with the windows up and the air conditioning set on internal air, I was safe.

Monday’s going to be rough.

(None of this really happened. Turns out the AXE Effect is just smelling like deodorant.)

Defying Logic Daily

Random Thoughts

There are times where I run into a person who utters words that lead me to believe that it is by sheer luck alone that they continue to survive. Today, I was asked to have a report run and email it to a desired individual “on demand” without any user interaction.

Now, I’m a pretty good programmer. And on a report, I can give someone a field and a button, or even a drop down list and a button, that allows them to specify a person or email address and then send the report when the button is clicked. I can even set up a program to run at intervals, like daily, and execute the report and email it on schedule. But I have yet to actually find a way to program telepathy… if I could, then the middle manager who asked for a report to be emailed on demand to different people based on his mood would be out of a job.

24

Reviews

Around Thanksgiving I happened to stumble on to a sale and some coupons that allowed me to pick up the first season of the TV show ’24’ on DVD for about $12. I missed the show when it was on… I mean, I tried to watch it, but I missed the first episode, then while trying to track down a friend who had it on tape I missed the second, at which point it became too much work, so I gave up. I gave it as a gift to my brother a couple years ago, but he still hasn’t opened it, and he has a “you can’t watch my stuff until I watch my stuff” policy. So, it took a while, but I finally started watching it…

Wow. I had heard good things about the show, but just… wow. I’m only about 9 hours in the 24 and every episode has been interesting and exciting. I am enraptured.

I’m really looking forward to the rest of the season, and hoping later seasons are just as good. I recommend the show to anyone who hasn’t seen it. Its worth it.

What happened to .plans?

Site News

Many moons ago, when technogeeks were first beginning to form within the webs of what would one day be called the Internet, people with shell accounts on company systems could manage a ‘.plan’ file. In it they would keep a list of projects they were working on, tasks for the day. And system admins could poll the .plan files to see what people were up to (when they weren’t looking at porn).

Later, as the technogeeks formed their own companies… gaming companies… some of them still maintained .plans. They would write about the work they were doing, graphics, game engines, world physics, pasta recipes… all the important things (like porn). This was when I started. As a fan of all the gaming sites, I read the .plans of the guys at id and the other game companies daily, and decided to start my own. First in IRC, then on a GeoCities site, then one of my own sites… through loadfix.com, squadleader.com and on to probablynot.com.

Somewhere along the way, retards started abusing the internet. They didn’t understand ‘.plan’ and because most of them read like journals they just called them weblogs. Then more retards came, and ‘weblog’ was just too long a word, so they called them blogs. And now, with the internet bursting at the seems with retards (and porn), blogging has become a national passtime… (why couldn’t they have chosen porn?)

I’ve given up on calling mine a ‘.plan’ because… well.. its not anymore. But I flat out refuse to call it a blog… weblog is as far as I will go. The line in the sand has been drawn. This is my weblog.

Enjoy.

The Truth Isn’t Out There

Random Thoughts

We’ve all heard the stories, now its time to hear the truth.

Time and again, stories like this one grace the world’s newspapers. Dolphins selflessly saving people from danger, often from sharks.

It’s all a ruse. Dolphins want safety for humans about as much as the sharks want to eat them. Each of these so-called “rescues” is in fact a failed attempt to capture a human.

These dolphin terrorists seek nothing more than to kidnap unsuspecting people to use them as bargaining chips in their fight against the oppression of zoos and marine biology centers.

How is it that these sharks find people anyway? The dolphins tell them. And do these dolphins ever notify the authorities? They do not. Instead they swim, circling the victims until one of our many Navy or Coast Guard security vessels happens upon them. Then its all squeeks and cute tricks to buy time for an escape and to confuse their captives.

People “saved” by dolphins unanimously agree that they were in fact rescued by the dolphins, completely unaware of the reality, the gravity of their situation. They continue on with their lives regailing stories about the dolphins, and spreading the propaganda of their kindness.

Recently though, scientists have cracked the code of the dolphin speech. Their plans are clear: to obtain and hold human captives to exchange them for the release of their brothers and sisters languishing in captivity.

Make no mistake people of America… Dolphins hate freedom.

Better Than Ezra

Reviews

I’ve reviewed them before, and considering that they are my favorite band, its likely that I’ll review them again… and again.. and again…

There are bands out there that have had bigger success. Bands that play sold out stadium shows, whose members live in regal mansions, whose albums go quadruple platinum in the first week despite the fact that there are only a couple of good songs on it. Better Than Ezra isn’t one of those bands. Put in any one of their CDs and there isn’t a song I will skip. Sure, I like some songs more than others, but there isn’t a “bad” one in the bunch. And then to see them live… they are tight. They know how to line up songs to flow through a set. They know their own songs, and songs of their peers well enough to know which songs can blend seemlessly from one of their’s to a medly of covers and back into their song (like going from “Recognize” into Nelly’s “Ride With Me” into “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode and back in to finish off “Recognize”). And they know how to bring the audience into the performance, to make them feel like they are a part on experience not just watching a band, and all without the use of cheezy sing-a-longs.

Last night BTE dropped into Atlanta for the 99X Sinners Ball, their version of a Mardi Gras celebration, and they rocked the stage. I’ve seen the Ezra gang do well with enormous crowds at festivals in stadiums, but in a smaller setting like Kenny’s Alley at Underground Atlanta is really where they shine. Here are some really crappy photos I took with my camera phone, proof only that I need a better camera to take to shows like this.

Better Than Ezra
Better Than Ezra
Better Than Ezra
Better Than Ezra
Better Than Ezra

BTE has two albums coming up… if you don’t know them, or think you don’t know them, they have a Greatest Hits album dropping on March 15th. And they have a new album hitting shelves in April.

And of course, if you haven’t seen them live… do so. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

I hate thread

Random Thoughts

Specifically, I hate little balls of thread, the kind that come from my clothes and fall to the floor and lay there so patiently looking exactly like a dead bug, but that I know is not a dead bug, and when I reach down to pick it up makes me scream like a little girl because not only was is not a little ball of thread but it also was not a dead bug, and instead was a live bug which managed to skitter halfway up my arm before I managed to swat it to the ground and jump away doing the “Oogie Boogie” dance as the goosebumps form all up my arms and back.

I hate thread.