29 September 1998

Wow… only 6 days this time, instead of 2 months between updates. The sad thing is that not much has happened.
“I went to a party last Saturday night, didn’t get laid, got in a fight, uh-huh, it ain’t no big thing…”
Well, enough Lita Ford lyrics… I did go to a party, I didn’t get laid, but I also didn’t get in a fight… not on Saturday anyway.
In recent months (within the last year) I have lost a few of my best friends… no, they didn’t die… things just changed.
With one it was that I was tired of seeing him complain about his life going nowhere and yet always passing up opportunities when they presented themselves. He wasn’t sure what he wanted and was making no effort to find out. And as I said, I just got tired of being around it, and as his roommate, I was always around it. We parted ways when our third roommate decided to marry some guy she had met on spring break and move to Maryland and we terminated the lease early. I’ve seen him a few times since then, but only in passing really, not as friends.
With the other, it was odd. He blew up at me one day, said some things he probably shouldn’t have, and that was that. I realized in that instance something I had wanted to ignore, we weren’t friends anymore. This started about the same time I got fed up with the other guy mentioned above, and I decided that I wasn’t using my life to its fullest because I let other people have their way too often, I rarely stood up for what I wanted and went with the crowd, or in most cases, this guy. And when I took more control of my life, there started to be a friction between us, because I wasn’t just simply letting him have his way as I had done in the past. Then, for some reason he started doing something (or maybe I just noticed it then), in our IRC chat room he would act totally differently than he did face-to-face. Sitting across a table, we would discuss things, agree, disagree, in a civil manner, but in the chat room, he would always take a side opposite me, whether he believed in it or not, and argue to the death, even when I was right. Then the rug got pulled out from under him in his life, and somehow all that ended up on me, wrong time, wrong place situation I guess. He blew up. Called me a Nazi among other things, and that was that.
Losing friends is something I have never enjoyed. Whenever I moved when my father got transferred I always lost friends, and it always hurt. Somehow though, this is different. It’s not that I want to see them go, they were friends, good friends, close friends, best friends, but somehow my life seems brighter that we have parted ways.
Life is full of doors, in doors and out doors, and people coming and going, and sometimes we invite a friend to stay a while longer when they start to go, and sometimes it’s for the best, and sometimes it’s a better choice to let them go, for them, and for yourself. I’ve let them go, I wish them the best, and I hope they do me the same. Perhaps, somewhere down the road, our paths will cross again… perhaps.
Anyway… I think the time has come… the time has finally arrived… to jump and dance and feel alive!
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Theater Review: Saw nothing this weekend. It happens. Get over it.
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Today’s Song: Shimmer by Fuel. The song just rocks. (period)
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Today’s Movie: I watched Falling Down last night and I remembered back when that movie came out. Everyone I knew saw the commercials where is made Michael Douglas look like the everyman, the hero, raging against the wrongs of the world in his little walk through downtown. And I warned them, I garanteed them that the movie wasn’t going to be that simple. When we left the theater, most of the crowd was a little down. They didn’t like the way it ended, with Mike becoming the bad guy, an man pushed over the edge by life. I loved it. But then… I’m like that sometimes.

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