Tag: everything

And then.

Random Thoughts

The IT market sucks in Atlanta.

I can’t afford to leave, and at the same time I can’t afford to stay.

3 years ago, I was gold. I was better than gold. I was a fast learner with a little experience in everything. I was a general practitioner of the Science and Medicine of Technology. The offers on the table were fifty-thousand a year. Minimum.

Today’s IT market is looking for the person I’ve never been, and without money cannot afford to become: The Specialist. Check the job pages. They want people with 3 or more years working on a single, likely non-widespread software package. They want someone with 10 years working in a particular single function who have mastered all skills required.

The General Practitioner is dead.

So… I am left with this. What am I supposed to do?

I can’t get a good job because I can’t even get interviews due to my lack of specific knowledge. I can’t afford to take classes, or buy books to attempt to learn those things on my own. I can’t afford the certification tests, without which no amount of knowledge I teach myself is valid in the eyes of recruiters.

Its the Catch-22 of the IT industry: To get the job, you need training, and to afford the training, you need the job.

I’m overqualified for the job I have, and underqualified to get another.

And we won’t even get into the whole “But the experience on your resume isn’t current” crap.

I’m angry.

I’m pissed.

I’m mad as hell.

And there’s damn little I see that I can do about it.

My Comics and eBay.

Random Thoughts

First off, let me say this. I’m selling my comic book collection. Over a number of years I bought and read comic books. I loved them, and if I had the money, I would love getting them still. So now, after having enjoyed these comics, I have 14 long boxes full of them and they take up space.

I have a list of most of what I have here. And if you want to make me an offer, please do so.

Next: eBay sucks.

I tried to go and place this collection up for auction. Repeatedly the site would give me errors and then erase everything I had done. And they some sort of add policy that states in order to sell something, you must be able to buy it. I tried to put this collection up for a minimum bid of $5,000, since to someone with the time and contacts its worth about $10,000, and it tells me I don’t have $5,000 worth of credit.

I mean, if I had $5,000 I wouldn’t need to sell my comics.

Sometimes I just don’t get it.

23 February 2001

Random Thoughts

The Devil’s Advocate
In this world, there lies a place for the devil and his advocate.
In my own life I have often played the part of the devil’s advocate in discussions. Sometimes it is done to point someone at a flaw that they do not see. Other times it is done just to force the person to show that they have actually thought of everything.
There are people who are good at being the devil’s advocate. They know when their job is done, or when they simply just aren’t getting through and further arguing is pointless.
Some, however, are not good at it. They turn simple flaw exposing into nay-saying. They extend the argument and drag it out if only to say “It’s not going to work. Can’t you see that?”, even when they no longer can show exactly why.
My patience for nay-sayers is thin.
I admit that sometimes I can be blinded when someone is telling me, and more importantly showing me where my ideas won’t work. But when someone who doesn’t know me at all, and has not bothered to speak to me about the issue goes out in public shouting at the top of his lungs that I am going to fail, it hurts. And when they refuse to listen to me and keep shouting that I will fail, not that I might fail but that failure is a forgone conclusion, I get angry. And as Dr. Banner said to Mr. McGee, “Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
The specific case here is with EverQuest, game that I love. I am finally stepping up and leading a raid of one of the Alternate Planes, The Plane of Air (or Sky). I have spoken to a great many people about this zone, and of all the ways to do it. But in the end I decided that while I would keep their advice in mind, I wanted to actually try the zone from front to back and maybe incorporate a little winging it. See, the major thing is, Verant, the game designers, intended this zone to be done with a team of 24 people. this is evident by the fact that when you clear any part of the zone, you get 24 keys to the next part. Now, people have found ways around this, and it is how most people do their raids. I decided that the first rule of my raids would be to limit it to 24 people. One thing I did require was that I wanted 4 clerics, one for each group. Beyond that, I didn’t care who came, I would just build the groups as best I could and we would give it a wack.
One of the people who signed up then proceeded to tell me that we should cancel it, or kick people out and get other people (people who couldn’t be bothered to volunteer and sign up). I told him no, explained my goals with the raid and invited him not to come should he have problems with those goals.
At this point, I would have expected him to either shut up and come along, or shut up and walk away. Instead he continued to explain to me how I would fail if I didn’t listen to him, all the while neither saying if he was still coming, or leaving. He hinted with a “Maybe I won’t go” kind of line but didn’t say he wouldn’t go.
I’ll be the first to admit, my first responce to him was harsh, but only because instead of talking to me in private, he posted all of his doubts in public (I find this to be a cowardly tactic). But the continued nay-saying, insisting that we would fail pushed.
I hate losing my cool.
In the end, all I can say is that people play this game for many reasons. And there are hundreds of ways to achieve even very similar goals. I acknowledge that in others, and I take offence when they refuse to acknowledge that in me.
sigh
As for EQ in general. Comments from a good friend today coupled with some feelings of my own have lead me to a long awaited decision…
No, I’m not quitting. As long as its fun, I won’t quit. But the time has come to focus both my time inside EQ and without. I’ll pick a few days a week that will be EQ days, and everything else will be up for grabs.
I leave you with this… This Time of Year by Better Than Ezra.
Well, there’s a feeling in the air
Just like a Friday afternoon.
Yeah, you can go there if you want
Though it fades too soon.
So go on, let it be.
If there’s a feeling coming over me,
Seems like it’s always understood this time of year.
Well, I know there’s a reason to change.
Well, I know there’s a time for us.
You think about the good times
And you live with all the bad.
You can feel it in the air,
Feeling right this time of year.
Well, there’s a football in the air,
Across a leaf blown field.
Yeah, and there’s your first car on the road,
And the girl you’d steal.
So go on with yourself
If there’s a feeling that there’s something else.
Seems like it’s always understood
This time of year.
Well, I know there’s a reason to change.
Well, I know there’s a time for us.
You think about the good times
And you live with all the bad.
You can feel it in the air,
Feeling right this time of year.
Well, there’s a feeling in the air
Just like a Friday afternoon.
Yeah, you can go there if you want
Though it fades too soon.
So go on, let it be.
If there’s a feeling coming over me,
Seems like it’s always understood this time of year.
Well, I know there’s a reason to change.
Well, I know there’s a time for us.
You think about the good times
And you live with all the bad.
You can feel it in the air,
Feeling right this time of year.

2 January 1900

Random Thoughts

Well.. Y2K came and went like the main page said. I worked a little on friday December 31st for the GMT rollover, then remained on call for the rest of the night. Nothing happened. In fact, they even paged me at 5:30am to tell me not to bother coming in at 7am because everything was fine.
My New Year’s was a little less than I thought it would be. There was a party I was supposed to go to, but I didn’t know exactly where it was. I tried to call and page people there to get directions, but to no avail. I ended up dropping by the apartment of a good friend who was home with the flu and passed the midnight mark with little hoopla.
Perhaps next year, when the millenium really ends, will be better.
I meant to do an update before the big non-event, but never found the time. Too much work and too much EverQuest absorbed all my time.
So what do I think is in store for the world in 2000?
Same old, same old.
I really don’t think much will change in the least.
Unless of course, the world really did end, and this is heaven… or is it hell? Or maybe somewhere in between…

14 November 1999

Random Thoughts

Yesterday I spent most of the day going through papers that I have saved for various reasons. Bills, receipts, awards, warranties… everything. It’s odd looking through an accounting of your life on paper. Things go through your head like: “What was I thinking when I bought that? Do I even still have it?” “Wow, it never occurred to me how much that date really cost..” “I made HOW MUCH last year?? Where is it all??” “Now there is someone I’d like to talk to again…” It’s just odd.
And then to sort all of it into 2 piles: ‘Need to Keep’ and ‘Goes in the Trash’. When you are a packrat like me, it takes all day. Even longer when you watch DVDs while doing it.
Then, after deciding what to keep, I had to sort it all out… put my life in order, if you will…
But its all done now, put it behind me, close that door, move on. Until the next time the papers pile up.
It brings forth a thought though… when you die, you become only the fading memories of others and the things you leave behind. Neither one is really you. The things you leave behind are only keepsakes of what you have done (and there are tons of things I have done and don’t have keepsakes for), stuff you bought, and the paperwork of your life. The fading memories of others… inacurrate at best.
No one could ever really know me from what others remember and from my stuff… and I guess thats what life is: everything else.
Sometimes I ramble nonsense, don’t I?
One of the movies I watched yesterday was ‘Tombstone’ and there is a line in there I like.. okay, there are a bunch of lines I like, but one that pertains a little to what I’ve been rambling about here. Doc Holliday is dying and he ask Wyatt Earp what he’s always wanted. Wyatt says “A normal life.” Its what most people say to that question, alot of us anyway. But Doc’s response to that is “There is no normal life, just life.” And that’s really true.
If there was a normal life, who would decide what ‘normal’ is? Who would you compare to? Who would you strive to be? But there is just life.. compare to no one, strive to be you… and don’t worry about the papers you leave behind… in the end, no one will really care that you purchased the Sobakawa Pillow.

2 October 1999

Random Thoughts

Well, I finally got just about everything done on this page. At least enough that I feel comfortable killing the old page dead and putting up my first .plan file in the new format.
Not much to say today, but I should have something to say tomorrow. For now, I need to finish up, sign off, and head out. I’m going to meet someone I haven’t met before for a friendly movie and maybe some dinner. Or perhaps this person will turn out to be some sort of Internet stalker and I’m just heading out to my own demise.
I’ll report in tomorrow… or maybe I won’t.

12 March 1999

Random Thoughts

The worst thing about mistakes is that you have to make them before you can see them for what they are.
It really is a shame that people can’t be precognizant and see their mistakes before they make them. But then I suppose the world would be different. You would have nothing to really learn from, because unless you were some kind of masocist, you would avoid all of your mistakes and everything would be great.
This could be a really long and deep update, but that’s about all I have to say on the subject. I have now seen the mistakes that I have made for what they are. I can only hope that I get a second chance.
—–
Theater Review: I saw the new Star Wars trailer on the big screen last night. And… damn. This movie is going to be so cool. I didn’t stay to watch Wing Commander (I didn’t pay) and I heard I should be glad.
—–
Today’s Song: What Do I Have To Do by Stabbing Westward. Sums up how I feel these days alot of the time.

24 February 1999

Random Thoughts

This morning I woke up a little late. Our Monday morning meeting (which is always held on Wednesdays) was due to start and I wasn’t going to have enough time to do my normal morning ritual AND make the meeting. So I took a 3 minute shower instead of 10. I’ve got a ghost of a goatee one cause shaving just the sides took less time that the full shave. And I skip out the door, breakfast in hand.
And then I stop.
I live in Atlanta, and we don’t get snow that often. So when I got outside and saw that everything was dusted in a powdery white, I had to pause and take it in. The whole drive to work was slow and I made my way in awe of the beauty that fresh snow can bestow upon an otherwise dingey looking world. Before I even got out on my neighborhood I almost turned around to get my camera so I could take some pictures of this wonderland around me.
Slowly, slowly, I made my way to work. And I wasn’t alone. Other people were driving slow too. Not because the roads were slick. We had no ice, no snow on the streets, they were clear. People were driving slow, just like me, to take it all in. It wasn’t a blizzard, or even just a handful of flakes here and there. This was the perfect amount of snow for a place that doesn’t get it that often. A thin layer of white over everything but the roads. The rooftops, the yards, the branches of trees. And that which had fallen on the street had melted in place, so that it drifted away as water and didn’t leave those ugly clumps of brown and black dirty snow.
It was pure.
And it brought to me something I had been missing for a while… with my job, my home, my everything, I was getting a little tired, defeated, and depressed. But now I realize, for what is not the first nor the last time I’ll have it pointed out to me, that sometimes all you need is to look at things with new eyes.
Have a wonderful day.
—–
Theater Review:
none.
—–
Today’s Song:
The entire New Miserable Experience album by the Gin Blossoms. It’s all good. Not a bad song in the bunch. Even the country song is cool (“You can’t call it cheatin’ ’cause she reminds me of you”). I listen to this and to their other stuff and it makes me a little sad to know that the group broke up, but at least they put out music this good before they did.
—–
Today’s Movie:
Cloak & Dagger. I had forgotten about this movie until last night when it was on the Disney Channel. It’s not a great movie, it’s not even a good movie. But I remember when I saw this and I was big into the role playing game Top Secret, and at that time, this was the coolest movie. It’s about a kid who has this imaginary role playing character that he actually wills to life. Now, compared to other super spy guys, Dabney Coleman as Jack Flack seems kind of silly, but to a kid of 9 or 10 years old, he made a great secret agent.
—–
TV Highlight:
Well, another week, another Buffy. Last night saw the return of Vampire Willow. Alyson Hannigan is cute, but when she gets all dressed up in those evil leather outfits, its just that little something extra that pushes her into the sexy category. Still, Buffy the Vampire Slayer remains one of the best shows on television.

20 February 1999

Random Thoughts

Nothing worthwhile was ever easy.
That’s a great quote. I’ve always liked it, and I see its truth. But does it mean that if something is hard, it must be worthwhile? I met this girl, you see. I met her on New Year’s Day, but then she had to go back to school. I liked her alot, but the distance between us and a few other things were killing me. I’ve always believed that a relationship, while it may actually be work should never FEEL like work. The work you do for a relationship should feel good, you should never mind what you have to do. So when things started feeling like work, and I start censoring what I said, I ended things.
Then I meet this other girl. I already knew her, but it was like turning around. Bang. There she was. I like hanging out with her, everything seems so cool. I’d love to hang out with her more, but I get this feeling, and she has told me, that she isn’t totally over the last guy she dated. I want so much to help her, but here is another quote I heard once that I also see the truth of: “You can’t hire contractors for a broken heart, it’s a Do-It-Yourself job.” You can talk and listen, advise and sympathize, but in the end, only the person with the broken heart can know when to move on. When they have healed enough to dare again. And therein lies my problem… I like this girl, and while I’m not looking to get married, I’ve never been one to just “date”. But I’m afraid to get too close for fear she isn’t ready and I know she doesn’t want to get too close for the same reason, but I can’t help but want to get closer.
“Nothing worthwhile was ever easy.”
—–
Theater Review:
Varsity Blues. It’s a high school football movie. That just about covers it. But I have to say, it’s done really well. At the end of the movie, during the final game, I was on the edge of my seat. I really got caught up in the emotions of the situation. I have to give this movie a thumbs up.
—–
Today’s Song:
“If I Can’t Change Your Mind” by Sugar. In a bizarre sort of way, this has to do with everything I said above. The song rocks, but it’s the lyrics that bring me back to it again and again.
—–
Today’s Movie:
Total Recall. I got this on DVD. It’s just a good movie because sometimes, don’t you just wish you were someone else only pretending to be in your current life and that actually you were part of something bigger, something better, something.. important. I know I do sometimes… not all the time, but just sometimes.
—–
TV Highlight:
It’s been here before and it’ll probably be here again, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This show is still one of the better things on television. If you don’t watch it already, you should.

22 June 1998

Random Thoughts

Well, finally getting the hang of dealing with GeoCities… the watermark they put on the page is cool, but that huge GeoGuide is kinda… well… huge. But I put is on my “Thanks” page so since it exists, maybe I won’t see the GeoPop again (that’s the little GeoCities Ad window that pops up, email me if you see it and tell me where).
Got a little done on Logan5’s Gaming Pavilion. I’m not totally happy with the colors… but maybe when I’m finished it’ll look better.
Oh… and I’m still looking for a job. I have an interview tomorrow for a job I don’t want, but at this point, a job is a job is a job. Money is money, and I need money.
—–
Today’s Song: The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe… “When I was young I knew everything…” I am by no means old… but even at 23 I’m beginning to see this alot… all that I thought I knew comes into question eventually… It’s that childhood feeling of immortallity that I think I miss most. And on the note of growing older and learning more I’m throwing in a bonus song of the day: Against the Wind by Bob Seger. “I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.” If it doesn’t hit you, read it again…. think on it awhile.
—–
Today’s Movie: Watch It. While I’m on the roll of spitting out quotes that mean either nothing or everything in the right light, this movie is good, and it’s got one of my favorite quotes. This guy meets a girl, they get together a bit, and he tells her he’s temporary and when summer comes he may be moving on. So she pushes off and gets back together with her old boyfriend (the guy’s childhood friend) who is a total louse and treats her bad, cheats on her. Anyway, the guy winds up at her front door one night and she goes into this long narrative about how he rejected her and that if he’s feeling lost now it’s his own fault. The whole time he’s quiet, until she finishes. She says, “Well… what do you have to say?” His line, the one that I like, “I don’t know that I don’t love you.” And he walks off… You may not agree, but I like that line, to me it says alot. Anyhow, it’s a good movie… I just wish I could find a group of my friends who would be willing to play the game they play in the movie.