9 July 1998

Some time just shortly before noon, Clan DoS died.
DoS, the Disciples of Syrinx (not satanic, its from a Rush song), was the gaming clan that I was in for the last… jeez… almost 2 years. Over the past 6-8 months however, we fell on some hardships as RealLife(tm) set upon many of us.. myself included at times. I like to think I did a nice write up on the closing of our doors, check it out, http://www.clandos.com . Now, so very unlike me, I’m going to quote myself:
“Well… even though I’m one of the guys who helped make the decision to disband the clan, it’s kind of like when they have to shoot Old Yeller… he’s your best friend, he’d give his life for you and you’d do the same, but it just needs doing… Ending the clan hurts… but so does anything worth having… memories more valuable than gold, my friends, that’s what life is all about…”
I actually said that. I look back on that and think, where the hell was I when this got said. It’s like it’s not even me. Same with the write up on the clan page. But then something happened about 30 minutes after I said that and signed off IRC and was working on my webpage.
I still love computer games and comic books… I like cartoons… but somehow… in the last couple of weeks… really the last couple of days… I’ve grown up. Not so much that I forget what it’s like to be a child… but somehow, I saw all this coming… my new job, the clan disbanding, and other things… and I’ve come to understand the world a little bit in places I didn’t before. Things I did yesterday that seemed so cool and fun, today seem irresponsible, like a waste of a few of the precious moments we are given here on this Earth, like time I could have better spent somewhere else, on something else.
I’ve always held that I never regret anything that I have done in my life. And I still don’t. Because I cannot regret the things that made me who I am today because I like who I am, and I would not be the same if I had not made those mistakes that I made. But for the first time I see that maybe, just maybe, I can keep myself from wasting time… from wasting life… on things that in the end give me nothing in return, no sadness, no joy, no “memories more valuable that gold”…
Today is just a sad, sad day all around…
…Tomorrow will be better, if not by nature then I will make it so.
Theater Review: [none]
Today’s Song: Oven by Seven Mary Three. Just kind of fits my mood today.
Today’s Movie: Crossing The Bridge. This is one of those films you’ll never see if you aren’t the kind of person who takes chances on videos you have never heard of. It’s written and directed by Mike Binder, who also did Indian Summer (another good one). It’s just a good movie about three close friends. Makes me feel good when I watch it.

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